Missing a Friend: Personal

Phew this post comes with lots of emotions, tears and even some smiles.  A year ago today this very morning almost this exact time I got the phone call that would put me on my knees in heartache, pain and tears.  I literally felt as if I could not get up.  A deep gut wrenching pain that I personally had never experienced before.   My dear friend was killed early this morning a year ago in a car wreck.  This post is about my words to her and about her.  I plan to not discuss the event that took place that changed many lives forever.  Please just know as we make choices our choices often affect others deeply... Suellen and I became friends at the age of 13.  From the beginning of our friendship she held a smile NO MATTER what... Everyone has heartache and pain and even at the age of 13 Suellen had already experienced alot of that... Our high school time together was always fun.  The many sleepovers at my house and her house.  She refused to eat meat BUT my girl would eat some liver-mush in a flat two seconds! The nights we wrote messages in glow in the dark pens on her ceiling, gave each other back scratches and oh the times of sifting through her enormous piles of clothes JUST to find that one shirt she had to have... Forgive my grammar now as I'm typing and not looking back. =)  Our relationship went from very close friends to family.  My friends are my family.  They always have been.  Suellen gave me the name "Sissy" long long ago and she never stopped calling me that.   When I was 19 Suellen gave birth to her beautiful baby Mariya.  I will never forget sitting in that waiting room for many hours to meet that precious baby.  I was able to go right in right after she arrived.  The delivery was tuff and as soon as my eyes met Suellen's we both cried.  Mariya was her precious baby.  Even so young she was a awesome Momma.  I honestly don't' know how she did it.   She lived for her sweet girl.  Up until this day last year she lived for her sweet girl.  I am so thankful and blessed I was able to be in her life... I now am so thankful Mariya is a part of my life.

Suellen wore a smile.  She literally wore it.  She didn't always have easy times but no matter what... that beautiful smile was there...

You could always count on Sue to either walk up behind you and knock your knees out in front of you or begin to dance behind you before you knew it was her... I however ALWAYS knew it was my girl.  I wasn't able to speak last year at her service as emotion had me so bogged I didn't think I could speak.  I still think about how maybe I should have spoken but honestly you never feel like you can say enough OR the right things.  Its a dear person to your soul that you love so much it hurts...literally hurts that they are gone... what do you say? what is the right words? Our connection was different....even different than my close friends now... Its always so hard to explain.  Suellen and I didn't hang out all the time or see each other all the time.  It DID NOT matter.   That laugh of hers...is contagious.  She just wanted all to feel loved and be happy.  She too wanted to be loved.  If you were a part of her life she loved you. She loved you so much.  Suellen adored her pets...goodness she had a zoo!!  I love that girl.  I love her with every piece of me.

Suellen my sweet friend.  You are so missed.  You are so loved.  You are so adored.  I know you are smiling so brightly and loudly!! Your heart is calm and your tears are gone now my girl.

One year seems crazy... truly time flies.

I love you SISSY.  I love you so much.

A few unedited pictures from Suellen's colorful celebration of life:


The video compiled of many pictures from family and friends I made for the celebration.  YES its long but gosh so much to share...it had to be a certain way =)....   Ginger was my side kick that long long night....

(click 720 HD at bottom right if on a computer screen for best viewing)